I tried to sleep and, of course, failed miserably. I’m beginning to think I need to pull an ‘up for over 24 hours’ stunt so that I can force myself to go to bed. Then I just hope like hell the trend sticks. I’m not sure I’ll ever get my sleeping under control. It’s not even that I can’t sleep and therefore am miserable all the time. I can go to bed at 4am, get up at 6am and function just fine until I go to bed again at 4am. There are occasions however where the sleep deprivation catches up to me and I totally tank out. But even so… I simply just don’t sleep. And yes, for the record, I know how bad that is for you.

I’ve been like this for as long as I can remember. 5th grade maybe? That’s when we moved to our new house. I remember sneaking out of bed at night after my mother was asleep. I’d come down stairs and watch TV or read or something. I’d alway crawl back into bed around 5 am, just before my mother’s alarms started going off. We didn’t have a computer back then, but when we finally got one it just reinforced the bad habit. I’d spend hours reading fanfiction or playing games or just browsing the web.

And slowly with the habit I’ve changed the entire way I function.

I feel more comfortable at night.
I do better work at night.
I’m happier at night

I always go through phases where I revert back to what people would consider ‘normal’. I am awake during the day, I sleep at night, and all is right in the world for about a week. Then some weekend comes, I end up doing something that lasts late, I end up getting distracted and I’m right back into the 4am bedtime.

…I don’t know. I guess that’s just me.

(P.S. Yeah, I have spoken to a doctor about it. I have tried ‘sleep aids’ and they either a: don’t work or b: leave me feeling high as a kite before putting me to sleep thus making me extremely reluctant to ever try them again.)